How to have great conversations? (see here for a review) One simple trick is to be a good listener. The intention of self-expression roots deeply in our humanity. So viewing this from the other side: the more you listen, the more the other will feel seen––even, sometimes what you’ll be doing is simply repeating the last few words of what they’d said.
‘Mute’ is the technique though, but not an omnipotent solution. Authenticity is something that is much more powerful yet hard to achieve. It’s very hard to fake genuine interest. Authentic kindness and genuine interest is usually recognized instantly, whether they are displayed right on one’s face or conveyed via micro-expressions or gestures.
As the word goes
The most authentic it is, the better it will work for you.
Of course, being authentic is not equivalent to being completely honest. For example, referring to the definition of existentialism, that authenticity requires one to be consistent to his or her core value.
It’s mostly about distance––in the topological space of truthfulness (not honesty!). Like flying too close to the sun will get oneself burnt. To maintain an adequate mental distance so as to be comfortably not-too-close while still yet close enough to feel the existence of one another.
So, a conversation feels like a dance. There’s the lead and the follow, there’s a frame to position the two parties, there’s the standard choreography, upon which improvisations can be built up.
A conversation can be designed to feel like an unplanned surprise––be flowing with momentum, with the hit of ecstasy in the middle and a strong ending to be unforgettable. It can almost be enjoyable sometimes.
Sounds that being alone should avoid most of the trouble.